AUGUST 2, 1996 GAY PEOPLE's ChroniCLE 27

BIG TIPS

My boss seems to be getting sicker, how can I help?

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

Sometimes the right tool for the job does not immediately manifest itself as such. A few months ago I went through the Great Cassette Purge, in the wake of having largely switched over to CDs for my listening pleasure. I'd recommend this cleaning activity for everyone: it's faster than therapy, cheaper than joining a gym, and an amusing trip down the memory lane of your evolving taste. Just do it alone. When you're deciding to keep the soundtrack from Fame, that's deeply personal.

Anyway, I had the inevitable stack of tapes from which I only wanted one or two songs, so I made a compilation tape of them and ditched the originals. Obviously, this is a precious document: Where else are you going to find Ella Fitzgerald, Don McLean, Garth Brooks, and Patti Smith escalating to a dizzying crescendo of Sebastian the Crab singing "Under the Sea?"

I should have seen the lowering clouds of impending tragedy, but no, I was shocked when after a mere two or three glorious listens, the tape stuck and refused to play. Augh! I called 911, but they were busy doing a reenactment for TV, so I decided to go in myself. As I deftly wielded the world's tiniest Phillips screwdriver, I felt a deep gratitude for all the time I devoted to playing Operation as a grade-schooler.

But something was wrong. The tool was appropriately wee for removing the tiny screws in the tape's shell, but it wasn't catching. Hmm. I examined my array of tools, decided against the butter knife and the safety pin, and noticed the other Phillips-head that I had, despite a shaft circumfrence that approximated that of my forearm, came down to a tiny point at the tip.

Success. I used it to bisect the shell, then

I removed the tape and discovered the small plastic chip which was causing it to catch. I removed the offending fragment, had my imaginary nurse close, and am happy to report that, even as I bid bye-bye to Miss American Pie, I am welcoming the renewed promise of years of listening enjoyment. Life is good.

Dear Big Tipper,

I hope you can help me. I work at a restaurant, and my boss isn't really a good friend of mine, but he's a great boss, and I really like him. I've worked there almost a year, and since I started, he seems to be getting sicker and sicker. He's really tired all the time, and sometimes he just seems very sad.

I'm a lesbian, and I don't have any friends with AIDS, but I'm worried that that's what he has. Last Friday I overheard him talking on the phone about “getting tested," and then he left work early that day. I think he went to get an HIV test. I want to let him know that I'm worried about him, and that I know what's going on, so he can feel supported at work, but I'm not sure how to go about telling him. What would you suggest?

Want To Be a Friend

Dear Why Can't We Be Friends?

This may sound harsh, but it's just not appropriate to approach him now. He's not a close friend, he didn't tell you he was going to be tested for whatever it was, and he may just not be ready to talk.

As queers, I think it's easy to feel some sort of "ownership” over AIDS, since our community's been hit so hard. Everyone has been workshopped and sensitivity-trained to the point that way me overestimate our re-

sponsibility to, and ability to help, people whom we may not even know.

You're boss may be sick, or a tover or friend may be sick and he's worn out from that. He may be sick with something else altogether. I'd just be kind to him, which I'm sure you already are, and let him know through your actions that he is supported at work. Take care. (But not of him.)

Dear Tipper,

I am a human resources professional at a small progressive law firm, and one of my responsibilities is arranging seminars, workshops and training for the lawyers and support staff on social responsibility.

Last year, a woman came and did a workshop which was very well received and heavily attended. We obviously wanted to have her back, and have scheduled her for late August. The only "hitch, "which I think is purely about etiquette, is that she is now a man. People are looking forward to "her" return, and I want to make sure s/he doesn't feel uncomfortable, and that people aren't accidentally rude to her/him.

I'm thinking of passing around a memo to

FASHIONS

ni

the planned attendees to prep them. Do you think this is appropriate?

Want To Do What's Right

Dear Changing World,

These things don't always come up in business school, do they? He's a man, so lose the s/hes and her/hims. If he's changed his name, pass a memo that tells people that "Alice Smith" has changed his name to "Andrew Smith," so they know they'll be enjoying the same speaker. They'll get the point.

When transgendered folks transition, they expect questions and surprise, and deserve respect. It's part of their process to deal with natural consequences of their change, and they don't need someone to guard them. Let him address any questions that come up, and just expect the best from your colleagues. Enjoy the workshop!

Send your questions on life, love, and cassette repair to M.T. Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland, OH 44101; or fax to 216-631-1082; or e-mail ChronOhio@aol.com.

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